Instant Expert (Just add telly)

During the Olympics everyone becomes sport obsessed. Personally I find it weird how I become totally engrossed in sports that I didn't even know existed. In the current Winter Olympics I've found myself enthralled by the mens and womens snowboard cross, the ski jump, the luge and the moguls. Each of those sports has probably had about 5 minutes air time on Ski Sunday in the past year, yet they now get blanket coverage. (With the exception of the snowboarding events which get a fair amount on satellite channels.)

I find it equally strange how within half an hour I find myself becoming an instant expert on that sport. I can't help but start to mimic the commentator. I'll find myself turning to my girlfriend and commenting on how the luger seems to be taking too high a line through the fifth corner, or how the skier in the mens moguls is getting too much air between his ski's and the snow. During the summer games I sat through cycling, marathons and shot putts, activities that I normally wouldn't give a second thought to.

The effect is doubled when there's a British medal hope, as everyone becomes a living room critic. And if there is a chance of a medal for a Brit, that sport receives blanket coverage on terrestrial TV, relegating more exciting events to the red button. Unfortunately our best chances this time are in the Bobsleigh (not yet started), Womens Snowboard Cross (through Zoe Gillings) and in both the mens and womens Curling. So far the only sport to have had me switch off. I'm afraid Clare Balding waffling on about Curling is a crashing bore.

Any sport that markets itself as 'like bowls, ON ICE!' is onto a loser from the off.

Snapped with my Blackberry: Cock Soup

Mmmmm, delicious. I often look up from my work in the middle of the day and think, "I'm hungry, if only I could have some cock in liquid form."

Well now that day has come, and like many porn starlets I can suck some cock down my throat without so much as a second thought, and all for the bargain price of 35p.

You can find this genitally inspired delight on the world food isle of your local Tesco. Next time someone see's a male organ and exclaims "you can't buy that down the Tesco!" kindly explain to them that they can, in fact, buy that down the Tesco.

Sunspots: Lacey Green

How inane can a newspaper get? What are the news values that allow this to be published under the banner of news?

How the story should have read: "Someone you've never heard of went somewhere you've never heard of, because she's a moron."

Normally the sun is bad enough with its blend of titillation, celebrity stories and brief summations of complex news, but this item really takes the proverbial digestive. No-one but Lacey Green, 24, from Hicksville, Wisconsin cares about this.

Now I appreciate that The Sun has a certain brief, to make any story readable by an eight year old, but this is just daft. In tomorrows paper, "Tom McCarthy, 52, from Brighton did a shit that lasted nearly half an hour."