Sunspots: Lacey Green

How inane can a newspaper get? What are the news values that allow this to be published under the banner of news?

How the story should have read: "Someone you've never heard of went somewhere you've never heard of, because she's a moron."

Normally the sun is bad enough with its blend of titillation, celebrity stories and brief summations of complex news, but this item really takes the proverbial digestive. No-one but Lacey Green, 24, from Hicksville, Wisconsin cares about this.

Now I appreciate that The Sun has a certain brief, to make any story readable by an eight year old, but this is just daft. In tomorrows paper, "Tom McCarthy, 52, from Brighton did a shit that lasted nearly half an hour."

Sunspots: Youthful High Jinks

These boys are 13 and 14 for christ's sake, they should be wanking furiosly into a gym sock whilst rifling threough their best mate's mum's underwear draw and sniffing the gusset of her laciest french knickers. Has internet porn desensitized these kids so much that they've resorted to playing mundane games of dares for kicks?

What are they planning for their next trick? Playing a game of fives where the loser has to go on an exchange trip to the Fritzl's home maybe. Train Surfing perhaps.